Sex Resolutions, Sexual Positions and Funny Commercials

We make resolutions for everything else so why not sex? Here's a blog about sexual resolutions for the coming year.

http://www.yourtango.com/201066101/new-years-resolutions-better-sex-2011

Here’s something you don’t see everyday: sexy women with coffins.

http://www.uncoached.com/2010/12/09/sexy-coffin-girls/

Here’s a website that touts to be the complete list of sexual positions complete with pictures. I like the illustrations on this one better than others I’ve seen.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml

Here's a video on giving a hand job. Don't try this one at home.




This one is funny as hell even if you aren't into boobs:



Most men would like to find themselves in this situation:

Sexy Girl Funny Prank - Watch a funny movie here

Here are some dress up clothes for your penis cause we all know how fun that is.

http://www.dickerations.com/

Budlight Adult Magazine commercial:




Kylie Minogue- Spinning Around:


Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around




Just Jeff said...
My my the things you can do with penises. kinda glad I have one *grin*
June 24, 2009 7:30 AM

Lika's Laments said...
I love it! Thank you!
June 24, 2009 7:34 PM

Aaron said...
Made it through this whole post without a bit of penis envy?

Sexing Up Your Christmas

If you haven’t already, girls you still have time to run out and buy that naughty Santa outfit. If you want something you can wear year round you can get something in red; the best color in the whole world.

I got this one for myself:

But just realized I need this one too:

But I’m getting off track.

You meet him at the door wearing this and heels if you are short barefoot if you aren’t.

Start with his earlobe sucking seductively while unbuttoning his shirt. Lick down his neck to his nipple and while you are sucking there undo his pants and slide them down.

Run your tongue down his tummy to his cock that should now be nice and hard and tease him with your tongue. Around the head, up and down the shaft and then when he can’t take it anymore you slide him into your mouth sucking and moving up and down slowly while you tickle his balls with your fingernails ever so lightly. Build up your speed until he finishes licking up every drop.

Merry Christmas y’all.

You Can Have Sex With Me if I'm in a Coma

Leah Johnson had a stroke in 2005 that left her comatose. David W. Johnson, her husband of 20 years, visited her every day moving her arms and legs to make sure her muscles didn’t atrophy.

On occasion Mr. Johnson would also climb into bed with Mrs. Johnson and have intercourse. The nursing home staff turned him in, thinking he was forcing himself on her. Police installed a hidden camera and video taped him having sex with his wife.

Mr. Johnson is 59 and Mrs. Johnson is 54. They had no children. Not sure why not having children was relevant, maybe the kids could have vouched for their parent’s sex life. “Yeah, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They went at it all the time.” I don’t know.

His wife’s sister was even outraged that they would bring felony charges against her brother-in-law for sexual assault. She’s now in charge of her sister’s care until they can prove whether or not Mr. Johnson is a pervert.

Here’s the original story if you want to read it:

http://host.madison.com/news/local/article_22b8967d-6947-580e-b331-8705508656e6.html

And here is the verdict:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/11/national/main4441013.shtml

So my question is what do we need to do to insure this doesn’t happen again? Along with a living will stating whether or not we wish to be put on life support and the disposal of our vital organs, do we now need to sign a sex waiver?

Yes, my husband can have sex with me even if I’m comatose. And if that is needed, do we also need to specify how often? Because we don’t want Mr. Johnson taking advantage here and getting nookie more often than Mrs. Johnson consented to while conscious. Only on his birthday and holidays, once a week, twice a week or maybe bring it on baby give me all you got.

If he was soliciting a prostitute or boinking his secretary while the Mrs. was out, we’d be bad mouthing him for that too. So am I to believe the police, who are more than likely men, expect Mr. Johnson to remain celibate for however long Mrs. Johnson is indisposed? She’s still in a coma, by the way.

It might be a bit trickier for a wife if her husband is comatose. I wonder if a man still gets aroused while in a coma? They usually wake up if they are asleep. Sorry, I was thinking out loud.

Here’s something else for you to toss around in your brain. Had they not been married would he have won the case? I bet not. It wouldn’t have fallen under conjugal visits. Sometimes that marriage license, so many call “Just a piece of paper” becomes pretty important.

So tell me, would you want conjugal visits if your significant other were comatose? Would you want someone making love to you if you were unconscious? Have you ever had sex with a comatose person?

Fembots, Threesome Video and Balloon Animals Having Sex

I'm moving some of my blogs from my other website to this one so if you see a few reruns, I apologize for that. I've updated them and repaired any deleted videos. Just consider it like reruns on TV.

I found a sexual dictionary website. So if you ever hear someone use a word or term you are not familiar with you can go here to look it up.

http://www.sex-lexis.com/

Watch out ladies, sexbots are getting better and better and one day men won’t need us at all. Granted they are expensive but with dating, and other costs of a real woman they could come out ahead in the long run. They don’t nag, care if he flirts with other women or comes home late. Hell, he could stay out all night and a fembot wouldn’t care.

In the past men needed women for cooking, cleaning and sex. I’m sure there might have been a few other things, but that about sums it up for most of their needs. With restaurants, domestic service companies and female robots that can give a blow job to their programmed specifications, what do they need us for? It won’t be much longer before they come out with models that can cook and clean. You thought it was hard to get a date now…

http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,522919,00.html

Human males aren’t the only species paying for sex the macaque monkey does as well. Here’s an interesting story I think you might enjoy reading.

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5gUTyYpPmEHzLP5a_rDsPDkGv8aXA

Here is a funny video of balloon animals having sex. lol


Funny Commercial with Balloon Animals - Watch more Funny Videos


Another funny video. If you are homophobic at all you might want to skip this one, but I thought it was pretty darn funny.

Post Coitus from friesontheside on Vimeo.

I don't qualify as a Twihard as they call Twilight fans but I do enjoy the books and movies. Vampires aren't my thing but I could go for a shape shifting Native man.


Paramore- Decode:

Sexy Ornaments for the Tree, Nearly Naked Woman at the Airport and Sweaty Balls Remedy

Here are some sexy ornaments for your Christmas tree if you don’t have children in your house:

http://funromanticgifts.com/trskor.html

http://www.prankplace.com/product.aspx?d=Crazy-Santa-Stuff.SEXY-MRS.-CLAUS-CHRISTMAS-PORNAMENT&p=29148&c=272

Here are some interesting Christmas gift ideas and more ornaments.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-21-sexy-christmas-presents-that-are-just-wrong/

An Oklahoma woman decided it would be easier to simply wear her bra and panties through the security portion of her flight to save time but things didn’t go as smoothly as she had hoped.
http://www.newsok.com/in-bra-panties-and-wheelchair-woman-goes-through-oklahoma-city-airport-screening-this-morning/article/3519710?custom_click=headlines_widget

Apparently this is a real product even though this looks like a parody.



Here’s the website. They even have a product for women who have trouble with sweaty breasts.

http://www.sofreshsodry.com/

A quote I wrote:

Lovers are like shoes; they have to fit or after a while they'll pinch and rub you in all the wrong places.

Billy Mack- Christmas is all Around:

Shy Men

Some women like a man who is sure of him self and fills a room with his presence. Those men have never appealed to me.

I’ve always preferred shy men. They are a challenge but well worth the effort if you take the time. I’ve had some women tell me they thought a man was cute but she didn’t know how to approach him.

What are the advantages of a bashful man? Since they are introvert with women they aren’t womanizers nor will they ever be. That shy smile will melt your heart. It is ten times sexier than the self assured grin from an arrogant man.

I’m not saying they will never wander or have an affair, remember if you took the time and thought him worth the effort there may be another woman who also sees him as a catch. There is also that weird feminine thing---a taken man is a sexy man.
Once you have him, take care of him and you should have no worries.

In the beginning it’s hard to tell if they are interested. You have to be quick to see them watching you because they look when you aren’t looking or they are masters at peripheral vision.

Just because they are shy doesn’t mean they are a push over or that they want an aggressive woman. On the contrary they need a woman that will make them feel masculine and bring out their full potential.

When you see a man like this it’s best to ease into conversation and not appear forceful. Some go for a woman like that but most do not.

If you see him in the cafeteria ask if you can sit at his table. Don’t sit too close. Choose a chair cattycorner to his seat. Introduce yourself. Make small talk about what you are eating. If he is interested he might look your way but even if he doesn’t at first don’t take that as a negative sign. Don’t talk too loud or too much.

When you leave thank him for letting you sit at his table. During the day if you pass him in the hall smile and say hello. Be sure and use his name and say it correctly.

The next day when you eat lunch walk slowly past his table. Don’t ask this time but say hello to him, smiling and making eye contact. Look around the room and back at his table. If he doesn’t invite you don’t sit down. Maybe sit at the next table if there is a seat available but still cattycorner to his seat. Watch out of the corner of your eye to see if he watches you. If he looks your way often he’s interested.

I should explain the importance of sitting cattycorner. Directly across or beside him is too close and personal. You don’t know him well enough to sit this close. If you do it tells him two things. You are too forward and you don’t respect his personal space. Sitting diagonally from him is close enough to talk to him, watch his peripheral vision and gives him a comfortable distance from you.

Try not to watch him too closely as tempting as it may be. Directly staring will make him feel uncomfortable.

Find excuses to go to his department or work area. Put out hints to other women you like him and are interested. Most work places are like a small town and word gets around like wild fire. Women love to gossip.

You may have to make subtle connections like this for quite a while before he starts to feel comfortable with you. Eventually, if he is interested he will start making the initiative to sit with you and talk to you.

This is just one example. I realize if you don’t work with a guy or go to school with him it will be a bit trickier to meet him but use some of these same techniques in your situation and it will work the same way.

You don’t want to come across as a loose or desperate woman. Be patient and take your time. Rushing is the worst thing you can do. If it is meant to be it will happen.

I love this song.